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#119517 - 10/04/15 11:59 AM Hair Growth & relationships!
Sparkle78 Offline
Member

Registered: 01/24/13
Posts: 4
Hi all, I'm covered in thick, dark, coarse hair all over my body & face. I've been trying to have a relationship with a man who I am madly in love with and who is the love of my life. I've had enough of doing all the hair removal and shaving now, and I won't be able to see my boyfriend anymore now and I'll have to be on my own now. Maybe I can see my boyfriend as a friend now, no more sex, but I don't know if I will be able to do this or not as he wants a relationship with me and sex? I might never see him again. I have hair growth all over me and on my face and it's so hard having to remove it all, all the time. I think I'll have to be celibate now for the rest of my life because I have a hairy body and i'm 37 at the moment.
My brother is hairy like me but he is a man so he is ok about it and he is married with a daughter and a great job and he has a normal life. He has a beard and he doesn't remove any hair at all! It is because I am a woman who is hairy I have to really suffer my whole life because of it. If men can have hair on their body, why can't women have hair on their body too? This is sexist I think.
I can't wax as you have to grow the hair out to wax it off, I can't use the epilator as it is too slow & painful, I've tried 4 or 5 sessions of laser on my face but it didn't work and only made it worse, I've tried electrolysis on my face too. I can only shave all the hair off my entire body & face. I get spots & rashes from hair removal sometimes. I've had enough of all the shaving now and I want to leave my body hair alone now. I will have to be on my own for the rest of my life and never see my boyfriend again or just try and be friends with him now? I HAVE to remove all the hair off my body and face all the time to be in a relationship.
I'd like replies from others with a similar or the same problem as this, finding relationships difficult because of a hairy body/facial hair or giving up on having relationships entirely because of a hairy body/facial hair, whether you are a man or a woman with this problem. So I know I'm not the only one like it. Thanks for reading this.

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#119519 - 10/04/15 02:19 PM Re: Hair Growth & relationships! [Re: Sparkle78]
adrien_sanchiz Offline
Top 20 Contributor

Registered: 08/02/13
Posts: 276
Loc: France, Spain
You are right, socially body hair on women is not accepted, meanwhile it does on men. This is a gender inequality.

You said you tried electrolysis on the face. If you didn't see any results it is not normal. Electrolysis is effective and is the only permanent hair removal method.

It is not simple to find a good electrologist, but it is not impossible. It could help you to feel more confortable on your own skin.

about your private life, I would say if the love is mutual, body hair should not break your love story.
_________________________
Licensed electrologist and esthetician.
http://adrien-sanchiz-electrolysis.blogspot.fr/

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#119522 - 10/04/15 04:41 PM Re: Hair Growth & relationships! [Re: Sparkle78]
Marķa485 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/13
Posts: 8
Loc: Europe
Hi! You shouldn't ruin your social/private life because of the hairs! shocked That's a problem that can be fixed. Besides, is your partner physically perfect? And you love him anyway, no?

When we have a hair problem we tend to be too self-conscious. If you want to let it be, good for you. But if you don't feel at ease in your skin, fortunately that's a problem you can solve. Try to find a good practitioner, focus on some areas first, and then move to others.

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#119523 - 10/04/15 05:31 PM Re: Hair Growth & relationships! [Re: Sparkle78]
Arlene R. Batz, CPE Offline

Top 10 Contributor

Registered: 01/14/05
Posts: 1155
Loc: New York City - Queens
Is it easier to hide
than to confide?

What would happen if you took the risk and developed emotional intimacy with your boyfriend before engaging in physical intimacy? Why cheat your boyfriend of the opportunity to be your hero? If you are sure he would reject you because of your excessive hair growth - then how can he be the love in your life?

Many of us here, electrologists, become electrologists because of our own personal issues with hirsutism. Many of us know what you are going through. I tried electrolysis as a last resort and stuck with it. It had such a dramatic impact on my life that I left my profession and became an electrologist.

Do you feel comfortable indicating in which city you live? Perhaps electrologists can help you - start with a small area and little by little cover more area. Some of my clients ended up changing their careers and became electrologists. We know what a big issue this is. We know how hirsutism can be overwhelming. Use this situation as an opportunity to overcome a problem.

Have you kept this a secret from the medical community? Is there a possibility of getting a diagnosis?
_________________________
Arlene Batz, CPE: Educator, Board Certified Electrologist, NYS Licensed Esthetician.
http://endunwantedhair.com

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#119530 - 10/05/15 01:36 PM Re: Hair Growth & relationships! [Re: Sparkle78]
Helen1983 Offline
Top 20 Contributor

Registered: 08/28/13
Posts: 301
Please stay calm, I have told my husband and I only had a few hairs pop up hear and there so he just laughed and said only worry when your stood next to me in the bathroom shaving a full on beard now its not that bad is it, No I sobbed well go to the electrolysis and it will be sorted end off, this was the best decision I ever made.


What you need to do is start to see an electrolysis facial hair snip it with nail scissors as close to the skin as possible between appointments, I even left it a week after going and would use hair removal cream on my upper lip after 1-2 weeks and then snip after until enough grew back in that I needed to see her again, i then left it about 5 days for her to be able to see them properly to remove.

Honestly more women in my opinion have upper lip hair than don't so don't sweat that area so much. Its only when I developed chin hair that I go upset and hair around my nipples.

The quickest hair to remove is around the nipples mine was gone in 9 months perhaps sooner if I went more often. Again snip between appointments.


If you keep the rest of yourself looking the best you can, get your hair cut coloured if you do often keep your legs under arms bikini in trim wear nice clothes and underwear to show off your figure and make yourself feel sexy. He will not want to get rid of you over a few hairs honestly buy some nail scissors infact buy 2 cos your bound to loose a pair like I did lol and keep at those electrolysis appointments.

If you have a big date set up with him go the day before or 2 days before not on the same day as you will probably having redness and some swelling straight after that may take 24 hour to clear and again no make up so best to leave 24 hour.

Good Luck and I'm sure given time you'll feel more at ease to show him more of your true self by then it may better under control and remember a lot of models remove the dreaded upper lip hair too, on UK big brother we've seen them all walking around with upper lip removal cream on lol.

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#119536 - 10/06/15 09:12 AM Re: Hair Growth & relationships! [Re: Helen1983]
mhawkes Offline

Major Contributor

Registered: 01/23/11
Posts: 187
Loc: oban scotland uk
Sparkle78, even though you are getting very few replies on here from fellow suffers, you will have definitely voiced the fears of many. Most men and women with unwanted hair will not be logging onto forums but will be searching and researching everything they can to find out- is the growth normal, how do I deal with it. So firstly it's so good you are sharing and I hope you are able to find a solution either one of acceptance or being able to get a hair removal system that will work for your lifestyle.

Electrologist hear these concerns on a daily basis, we may be the first person the client has ever spoken to about their excess hair.

For example, the client who finally got rid of her facial hair at the age of 50 admits she wouldn't have married at such a young age if she didn't have the hair growth problem but she thought who else would love her.

or the client again in her 50s with very severe facial hair growth, shaving since the age of 17 married for over 20 years and her husband has never mentioned excess hair though as my client says he must know about it, and it's only now she's rid of it she doesn't mind talking about what a curse it's been.

A younger client who got married came in for electrolysis on her abdomen and breast, she would sleep with her bra on and when we got rid of her hair she laughed that her husband would be very happy, again he never mentioned the fact he had never seen her with out a bra. She concluded he knew there was a problem but didn't want to embarrass her. Some very loving couples out there.

While some say 'but it's only hair' it can have a massive effect on the choices people make in life and the impact can be crippling.

I treated a young male of 24 who was an up and coming soccer player but at the age of 15-16 grew what he perceived to be a massive amount of hair, the embarrassment of having to change in front of his teams members caused him to drop out.

A female client who held a executive position in a male dominated work place, had to take time off because she was so self conscious of her chin hair she would be in the toilet tweezing or feeling for hair every few hours. She would come in for electrolysis 3 x a week to begin with, after a few months she was able to return to work.

And every electrologists will be able tell very similar stories. I hope you do make peace with yourself and don't give up on relationships, whether it's hair or something else most people have to struggle coming to terms with one thing of another.


Edited by mhawkes (10/06/15 09:13 AM)
_________________________
mairi hawkes D.R.E. Apilus Platinum. Trained and worked in Uk and Australia
Member of the British Institute and Association of Electrolysis since 1993
Fully licensed by Argyll and Bute Council UK.
www.aeclinic.co.uk

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#119537 - 10/06/15 10:52 AM Re: Hair Growth & relationships! [Re: mhawkes]
EmancipatedElect Offline
Major Contributor

Registered: 07/21/14
Posts: 140
Loc: Rochester, NY
Originally Posted By mhawkes

Electrologist hear these concerns on a daily basis, we may be the first person the client has ever spoken to about their excess hair.

And every electrologists will be able tell very similar stories. I hope you do make peace with yourself and don't give up on relationships, whether it's hair or something else most people have to struggle coming to terms with one thing of another.


For the sake of Sparkle78, I'm just echoing the sentiment that, yes, I hear these stories on a daily basis in my practice. She's definitely not the only person that feels that way and while I would try to encourage people to not be insecure about such things, since everyone has something they hate about themselves, I also won't minimize the impact of how they feel about it.

In fact, I think a lot of us got into this profession precisely because we were dealing with our own hair issues and thought it would be great if we could help others with theirs.
_________________________
Emancipated Electrolysis LLC
Rochester, NY

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#119545 - 10/07/15 05:13 AM Re: Hair Growth & relationships! [Re: EmancipatedElect]
mhawkes Offline

Major Contributor

Registered: 01/23/11
Posts: 187
Loc: oban scotland uk
Quote:
[/quote]In fact, I think a lot of us got into this profession precisely because we were dealing with our own hair issues and thought it would be great if we could help others with theirs.


At least 4 of my clients have gone on to become wonderful electrologists with a few others who have dabbled with the idea.


Edited by mhawkes (10/07/15 05:14 AM)
_________________________
mairi hawkes D.R.E. Apilus Platinum. Trained and worked in Uk and Australia
Member of the British Institute and Association of Electrolysis since 1993
Fully licensed by Argyll and Bute Council UK.
www.aeclinic.co.uk

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#119546 - 10/07/15 07:57 AM Re: Hair Growth & relationships! [Re: Sparkle78]
Iluv2zap Offline
Top 10 Contributor

Registered: 11/19/14
Posts: 1030
I personally have learned to perform electrolysis because of a hair problem. I'm transgender, and yes hair growth is seen in society as an indication of gender whether it is right or wrong. I kept doing it after my own treatment, because I wanted to help others with this issue.I completely understand where you would feel self conscious about it and feel like it interferes with relationships

If you have hair growing on your body and face, as a female you have every right to feel uncomfortable with this.You should also be determining the cause. This type of growth pattern sometimes the cause cannot be determined and often has a genetic component, but more often than not it is caused by a tumor or tumours ( often associated with PCOS ) which increase the amount of testosterone in the bloodstream. It's usually easy for medical professionals to determine this with a blood test and /or an ultrasound and if this is the case, there are measures that can be taken to correct the issue from developing further, which often involve taking an antiandrogen to reduce these levels. It wont do much for existing hair, but it will stop new hair from developing. You doctor should be your first stop in overcoming this difficulty, not me, not anyone on this board. It may also be necessary to adjust your diet in some cases and increase exercise as this often helps.

As to the existing hair, while it's a long process, the solution is to have it taken off! This is the area that we on this board can help. But it starts with you, and you seem to be looking to the right place for information to put this problem behind you. Wouldnt it be nice to flash your boyfriend with no bra without fear? It's going to take some effort from you to get there, but this is a very real possibility. Embrace it and make it happen.


Seana
_________________________
Seana Richmond
Certified Electrologist.
Electrolysis By Seana
http://electrolysisbyseana.com

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#119547 - 10/07/15 08:03 AM Re: Hair Growth & relationships! [Re: Sparkle78]
K Spiric Offline
Contributor

Registered: 04/25/11
Posts: 12
Loc: Sydney, Australia
Great advice there. And you might be surprised by how many men are actually aware of their partner's/ wife's hair issue, no matter the lengths they go to in order to hide it. And they are not repulsed, only concerned that she sort it out and start enjoying life.
Let us know how you are going. Maybe try to work out a practical plan for temporary hair removal for the body areas, and really research electrologists in your area. And ask lots of questions!I've had clients cover from their hairline down to their toes, it's quite achievable.
_________________________
R.N., AABTh (Elec) Electrologist, Sydney, Australia

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#119593 - 10/12/15 10:36 PM Re: Hair Growth & relationships! [Re: Sparkle78]
FlowersandCake Offline
Contributor

Registered: 10/11/15
Posts: 16
Loc: Texas
I know your pain frown I sometimes believe that I will never get married unless I can get rid of all my body hair because that will be the only way I can have someone love me completely when I can love myself. I have a boyfriend, he has body hair (legs, arms, chest, and beard) I have hair all over my body! And this hair is very thick, I used to pluck all of my body hair every 2 weeks when we were to come together, my skin would be somewhat smooth but I also had to wear a very expensive lotion that would give my skin the effect of being a lot smoother than it actually was. Anyways, I would get lots of ingrown hair because of it, it was time consuming, and at the end I was still hairy and still couldn't let him see my skin in the light. He knows about my hairy problem, there's no way to hide it. He loves me still, he has seen my scars and felt my hairy belly, he doesn't say anything; if he would of said something, I think I would break and feel so terribly ashamed, even more so. I have tried all kinds of hair removal and I am desperate now, so desperate that I am willing to pay more per month for electrolysis than I pay for my car. If he leaves me will I just give up on sharing my life with another man? I too have thought about it but I don't think I will do it. I'm not the only woman with hair issues, I feel the right man will love me and wait for my treatments to give results so we can have a true care free relationship. Will it be hard? I know it will be but if he loves me than he will be stay by me no matter what.
_________________________
Finally I got the courage to get electrolysis!

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#119605 - 10/13/15 10:40 AM Re: Hair Growth & relationships! [Re: Sparkle78]
MichaelS Offline
Contributor

Registered: 10/09/15
Posts: 15
Loc: States
A friend of mine has a girlfriend who he has been in a relationship with for 6 years now.
After a year into their relationship he started to get hair growth problems on his chest and back.
He was embarrassed of this and took some electrolysis treatments (with success).
But the interesting part is that he was more annoyed by it then she was. It never was a huge problem for her.

If you want a relationship with him and vice versa, then go for it.
If he can't accept the fact you have hair all over your body even when you tried plenty of methods to remove them, then that'll be his loss.

Everyone has their own flaws, you'll just have to accept yours and try not to pay as much attention to it because he might do the same.
_________________________
Read My Personal Epilator Site

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#120031 - 11/25/15 09:13 PM Re: Hair Growth & relationships! [Re: Sparkle78]
1ClassyLady Offline
Member

Registered: 07/01/15
Posts: 4
I completely understand. I'm in my 40s and have never experienced a loving relationship with a man because I fear what will happen when they go to caress my face and discover stubble where there should be soft skin. I can only imagine a man would be mortified. I'm mortified by it and it's MY body!

I think stories like Caitlin Jenner's might actually complicate my situation. For the record, I believe all humans should be free to be their true selves. We live in a world that fears that, though. So I imagine a man going to caress my face, feeling the stubble, panicking and then the fall out of my trying to convince him I really was born a woman. Then, after all that, I would end up losing interest in him for being a bigot. Newsflash: it's 2015, people! Live and let live, already, gees!

But I digress...Yes, my life has definitely been negatively affected by this curse. I somehow feel less than completely feminine and I so desperately want to revel in my femininity. My social life is scheduled around my electrolysis treatments. I don't plan anything for up to 2 days prior to treatments because I have to let the hair grow out.

I'm learning to enjoy my own company and feel like I will never experience the kind of loving relationship I long for. I have so much love to give, I'm a good person, a great friend and I think I would make a wonderful life partner for someone. I just can't imagine ever getting to experience that, though.

Thanks for reading.

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#123043 - 11/10/16 03:49 AM Re: Hair Growth & relationships! [Re: Sparkle78]
Lillox Offline
Contributor

Registered: 10/18/16
Posts: 16
I think that I can understand your feelings better than anyone here... I noticed growing hairs on my shoulder since I was 17, a year before they were a bunch of nice blonde hairs and I'd never thought what I was going to live: the worst nightmare of my life. Now I'm 21 and these hairs seem to develop all over the back. I hate them so much, I'm not happy anymore, the taste of happines... I don't feel free, I look at my friend and they don't even imagine what this means. My life sucks. When i was 16 i had my first relation ship with a beautiful boy (i'm gay) and we've seen each other growing and my hairs ruined our relation. Two months ago i met a new boy, He also told me that didn't like hairy boys... I was diyng inside becouse He didn't see yet how hairy I am and then we broke out two weeks ago. I can't study anymore and it's going on since i was 17. Now I'm studying pharmacy but where is the meaning in doing this? I see others with their mates, they suppert each other, why my life has been so cruel with me? What do i have to do? Give up? My family doesn't know about my problem, about my sexuality, about who I really wanted to be and I've cried so many times while I were all alone in my car, while running in a park, while alone at home. I think of my ex boyfriends, they are smooth and so their new boys, insted of me, hairy.
I repeat, what do i have to do? Find a guy with my same problem? It's so sad, becouse people look at you mainly for who you are outside, they talk about feeling. I don't believe in those feelings that fade away for something that you don't like about me, you have looked into my eyes for 2 months and then when you look at my flaws those feelings don't exist anymore. I don't believe in love anymore, I fall in love becouse I'm afraid to be alone in my life, and it's so beautiful when someone type you a message to know where you are, call you to hear your voice... It was like this when i was in a relation, now no more.
My life is so sad, my family has a lot of problems, I never thought about suicide, but many times I thought to leave my house and my family, becouse I'm suffering inside, i got worser and worser attitude, always aggressive, aleays in my room, always anxious. That's how I feel.
Many times I dream of waking up from this nightmare, i dream of being smooth, put a tank and go to the gym as the other guys do. Many times I dream that It's just a disease and that there is a cure. It hurts like nothing else.


Edited by Lillox (11/10/16 03:57 AM)

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#123046 - 11/11/16 09:33 PM Re: Hair Growth & relationships! [Re: Sparkle78]
hairy Harry Offline
Major Contributor

Registered: 07/08/15
Posts: 57
Lillox, sorry to read about how you're feeling, you're only 21 and male! I'm a female and have had a beard for years (almost gone now) .. How I wish I had your problem! .. I've been with my partner for the last 15 years and he's known about my struggle with hair issues and he's stood by me... I think your meeting that wrong guys, they sound very shallow if they're going to dump you because of a few hairs.

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#123047 - 11/12/16 09:09 AM Re: Hair Growth & relationships! [Re: Sparkle78]
fenix Offline
Top 10 Contributor

Registered: 03/17/12
Posts: 446
Lillox, your hair problems is just one element contributing to your emotional distress. I feel like the bigger issue is your situation with your family and struggling living two separate lives around them. On top of that you're feeling rejected in relationships now and cornering yourself as if this is how your life will be 10 years from now.

My advice is for you to focus on your education and don't be distracted by your personal life and relationships hardships. Education will lead you to independence and financial comfort. You will be able to live your life more freely. You will meet all sorts of people in your life who will accept you as you are.

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